Writing a memoir? You may know that a compelling and strong voice is important for a personal narrative to sell to publishers and that published memoirs all show an author with a strong and authentic voice.
But how does a first-time memoirist develop their writing voice, or even know what it is?
In this post I’m going to share my experiences writing both my published memoirs, and what I found so crucial (that nobody ever told me!) which is quite unique to memoir, and why getting edits and critiques can be especially problematic for memoir.

The #1 Thing Memoir Writers Must Protect (It’s Not What You Think)

If you’re writing a memoir, personal story, or any form of narrative nonfiction, there’s one element every writer must protect—and it’s not your outline, it’s not your memories, it’s not even the experiences for fear of someone taking them (nobody else can write your story but you!).

It’s your authentic voice.
But what is your voice, anyway? Because it’s different when you’re writing to if you’re writing a general nonfiction article, where YOU don’t play a major part in the story…

Something I discovered in the process of drafting my first memoir for publication, which was so different to writing any other kind of true story or reportage, was that I needed to be feeling particularly safe and free to write without judgement, to find my true and authentic narrative voice.
It started with knowing who I was, what I wanted to say and why these things mattered to me. Memoir is deep, intimate, personal and vulnerable, so you need to protect your ability to share the truth on the page. This is how you start to find your writing voice for memoir.

But first, what is ‘Voice’ in Personal Narrative?

Unlike general nonfiction, personal narrative asks for you to SHOW, not TELL the story.
You need to draw people into your head and your heart space, your thought processes and your feelings, and there gets to be a lot more emotion, poetry and drama to all of it.
This is where your voice comes in. When you’re writing scenes for a memoir, you need to explore the kinds of things YOU observed, YOU felt, the actions YOU took or wanted to take… and this will reveal so much about you, namely your values, your habits, and your ‘blind spots’ about yourself.
Yes, writing memoir is tough. it’s personal. It’s relentlessly exposing. So do you see why you need to feel ‘safe’ in order to write it, truthfully?

Why Your Voice Matters More Than Anything in Memoir

As a memoirist, your voice is what makes your story yours. It’s not just your writing style—it’s your truth, your tone, your unique perspective on the world.

Unlike business or self-help books, memoir is built on emotional honesty and intimacy. Readers want to feel like they’re inside your head. They’re not looking for a list of events—they’re looking for meaning, and the way you saw things. They want the truth, at all costs – both what happened, and how it felt to you. It’s this zooming in and out and in and out… that lets the reader in to your story, and compels them to keep reading.

Your voice is made up of your values, your beliefs, your unconscious patterns of thought and repetition. The kinds of things you say all the time, your mannerisms on the page…. all of it. And it’s important that you know your own voice, and keep it strong and clear. Because this is what sells memoir.

“Voice” Is What Publishers and Readers Are Looking For

When I was preparing to submit my first memoir, Love & Other U-Turns, my publisher, the late Louise Thurtell, told me something I’ll never forget:

“If there’s a strong voice in the opening pages, the rest can be shaped.”

A strong narrative voice is the first thing agents and publishers look for in memoir submissions. It’s what sells a book. It’s what builds reader trust. It what keeps us turning the pages.

And yet—it’s also the first thing many writers sacrifice... particularly in the endless search for critiques, edits and opinions from others. Because we aren’t taught how valuable it really is.

How We Learn to Silence Our Authentic Voice

Here’s the problem: from the time we’re young, we’re conditioned to suppress our natural expression. To ask for permission. To check with others whether or not what we say, do or how we exist is…OK.

Psychologist Carl Jung called it the persona—a mask of socially acceptable behaviour we adopt to fit in.

  • We say “I’m fine” when we’re not.
  • We downplay trauma to seem polite.
  • We perform instead of express…Frankly, the performance is exhausting! Everyone needs some time every day when they are just… true.But that habit of ignoring our natural instinct, feelings and perceptions is often so deeply embedded that we forget who and how we are WITHOUT the mask! This is one of the reasons I place memoir journaling (for no-one’s eyes but you) very first and foremost as part of a healthy daily writing practice to master the art of memoir writing. I teach a specific process for this which involves memoir prompts around archetypes, story and to help you find YOUR true feelings inside The Art of Memoir.

Because the instinct to please, to be accepted, to “make it nice” is often the very thing that weakens a memoir. It makes you remove the REAL conflict, the truth of who and how you are, and the reader can tell. You’re not owning your voice.

The Biggest Mistake New Memoir Writers Make

One of the most damaging things memoirists can do—especially in early drafts—is to seek feedback too soon. And by ‘too soon’ I mean anywhere during the first, second or third draft. If you know why you are writing this book and you know how to write it, you don’t need to show anyone anyway! This is EXACTLY what I show you how to do inside The Art of Memoir and in the free training.
I show you how I wrote and revised memoir drafts in months, for professional publication – WITHOUT critiques! And why critiques are so bad for memoir.
There is no need for you to ask someone else to read your (private) work and tell you what they think. The problem is, most writing workshops were created for every genre and sub-category except memoir, so they teach this ‘going around the group reading pages’ model, which frankly, is lazy. You don’t need opinions when you know what to do! It’s incredibly liberating to let go and just flow.
See this case study, for an example.
The first messy drafts are ONLY for the author, and not for a critical eye. Having someone tell you what you thought or said or did was ‘wrong’ will leave you doubting and silencing your voice. Keep it to yourself.

You might hand your rough draft to someone else because you’re unsure, or you want validation. But often, this leads to:

  • Harsh critiques that hurt your confidence
  • Confusion about what your voice even sounds like
  • Abandoning the project altogether because you don’t understand how to protect your quiet and your need for space with this particular form of literature

Memoir writing is a deeply personal journey. You need space and silence to hear your own truth.

 

That’s why, inside my program The Art of Memoir, I tell my students: don’t share your draft until you’ve got it to a point where it is a compelling story, and not what you needed to write to process the story. There’s a big difference.

How to Reclaim and Protect Your Voice as a Writer

To protect your voice, you need to reclaim it first. This involves more than writing—it requires:

  • Trusting your intuition
  • Regulating your nervous system
  • Creating a safe space to tell the truth

When I was writing A Letter From Paris, I often cried through my writing sessions. I took breaks. I went for walks. I was gentle with myself. Because my identity was shifting as I told the story—and that’s part of the transformation memoir offers.

Here’s what you can do to protect your authentic voice when writing memoir:

  • Journal each morning before speaking to anyone and really pay attention to how you’re feeling and what’s on your mind. What have you been thinking about? For a taste of my memoir journaling course you might like to read this post.
  • Write without censoring yourself – so close the door, don’t talk about the draft, don’t even tell people you’re working on a memoir if you think they will start to pry! You need to feel ‘free’ to write just as you would if nobody cared or wanted to see or read it. This is how you find the truth.
  • Pay attention to your body – often the body reveals where we are ‘hiding’ or rejecting the truth about things
  • Avoid critiques
  • Take time away from the draft before you go through the revision piece so you can read yourself with fresh eyes – you will notice your voice and all sorts of things about yourself that you didn’t notice when you were deep in the writing process!

Your Voice is the Soul of Your Memoir

Memoir is not about being a polished perfect human—it’s about telling the truth of our experience.
It’s not about pleasing others—it’s about seeing yourself clearly and sharing a universal truth from your heart.

And your voice?
It’s the soul of your story.
It’s what connects you to your reader—and to your own transformation.

Before you worry about feedback, structure, or publishing… protect your voice.
It’s the most valuable thing every writer – particularly every memoir writer – has to share.

✨ Ready to Write Your Memoir and reclaim your voice?

If you’re ready to start—or finish—a powerful memoir that sings with your truth and transformation while ALSO compelling readers (when you get to that bit), I’d love to invite you to my free class and discover more about how I teach The Art of Memoir:

How to Take Your Memoir from Page One to Finished Draft in Months, Not Years

 

Inside, you’ll discover:

  • The bestselling storytelling structure that’s transformational AND compelling (used by bestselling memoirs across the world)
  • Why traditional writing advice often doesn’t work for personal narrative – and what to do instead
  • How you can write AND revise a publication-standard personal narrative (without critiques) in months!
  • What needs to go into your writing AND revision process if you want to finish your book and get published

Protect your voice, because it’s what makes you uniquely YOU!

 

Louisa xx